Irritated

I have been easily irritated at work for the last few days. It's been bad enough that one of my regular customers gave me a pat on the back today and said "it'll be ok". When I asked her what she meant, she said it looked like I've been out of it the last couple of times she'd been in the store. She mentioned that although I'd been my usual nice self to her it didn't look like I'd been that way with anyone else...her word was "snippy", or maybe it was "snappy". Either way, that's not good. After I thanked her for letting me know, I went back to work, distracted by her comment. I asked one of my cashiers if I seemed off the last couple of days and she said "yup, you sure have...but I wasn't gonna say nothin' cause it's none of my business." That's not good. ..sigh..

Truth is, I'm not exactly loving my job right now. But I do enjoy the people I work with...my customers, and my crew...even my manager, who is one of the easiest people to work for there is; firm but fair. Yet, it feels like I'm not all there. Why?

Is it because I'm two weeks away from going on a looooooong vacation? Could be. Very distinct possibility.

Is it because I don't like what I do? As days pass, I'm beginning to wonder if this is true too. This job is as much about believing that you can do it as much as being able to actually do it. Right now, I am doubting myself...and the recurring theme...that's not good. How can I lead without believing that I'm leading effectively? Why should people follow me if they can sense my doubt?

Paradoxically, although I am good at self-deprecation, I am actually quite self-assured. Weird, but true. My belief in myself and my abilities is one of my greatest personal strengths. I can see that belief starting to ebb, and I'm not sure why. And it's not just at work, strangely enough. Even in something as second-nature as softball, a game I've been playing for years, I noticed myself feeling very uncomfortable. In the field, at the plate. Normally that doesn't happen. But the last two, three games it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...right on my head.

I don't know exactly what's happening. I know I'll shake out of it, but I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do it yet.

..grin.. But vacation sure won't hurt. I look forward to everything I've planned. To fishing, climbing, hiking, golfing, taking pictures, laughing, relaxing, reading, and just plain enjoying myself and the company of friends and family while I'm off of work. It's going to be so nice.

T-minus 12 days, 11 of which involve work. Tick-tock, tick-tock.