Insults

Having been the subject of many in my time, I can safely say without prejudice that most insults suck.
And by "suck", I mean they have no imagination. What's the point of stuff like so-and-so's fat, or ugly, can't do this, can't do that. You may as well start with "your mother's so fat that.." Have some flair. Here are some examples compiled by Walgreens' CEO and sent in a newsletter a while back.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill, statesman, orator and historian

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow, attorney

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner, author (about fellow author Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx, comedian

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to Winston Churchill)
"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
- Churchill's response

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating, Australian prime minister, 1991-96

"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr, playwright

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain, writer

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West, actress

"Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee"
- Lady Astor’s remark to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
"Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it."
- Churchill's response

I found the ones from Churchill particularly amusing. Here are some others =)

"We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault."
- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week."
- William Dean Howells

"I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork."
- Irving Brecher

"Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you."
- Groucho Marx

"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Some folks are wise and some are otherwise."
- Tobias George Smolett

"A dork is a dork is a dork."
- Judy Markey